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Author Archives: Tomaca

New Song – All You Need to Know

January 1, 2020 music, tomaca 0
New Song – All You Need to Know


Learn about the origination of the song.

Read more: http://www.tomaca.net/all-you-need-to-know/

I’m Back!

December 25, 2019 tomaca 0
I’m Back!

The picture above is my son.  Yes, he can do that and hold that position for a long time.


Where have I been?  I did some cover tune renditions a few months ago and made image videos for youtube and musically that's been it.  I've been sewing like a fiend.  Building inventory for the summer craft fairs.  I actually did a fair in November.  Go to work, come home and sew like crazy.  Don't sleep well because I'm making bags and hats in my head nonstop.  I have - no joke - about 50 sewing projects in my head at all times.  It's been challenging because as I am actually creating and sewing one thing, the next 10 projects are being created in my head at the same time.  Don't get me wrong, I find sewing to be great fun.  Great fun.  But, I was far too obsessed with it.


I remember two summers ago when I supported myself solely with my designs -  my hand crafted products - TomacaDesigns.com. It was crazy.  All I did was sew, sleep and go out vending.  My entire life was consumed with sewing in an effort to keep up with sales.  It go to be so challenging that I reached out to some of my friends to get their products to sell in an effort to keep my tent full of pretty things to sell.  It was something that I won't do again.  I love to sew, but I need to do it in a relaxed manner.


Meanwhile, as I'm sewing everyday after work, music is way in the back of my mind and I'm asking myself if I am going to get to work on it or not.  Building inventory for the summer is very important.  But, just how important is the music?


I had to stop everything.  I needed to clear my head.  I needed to decide.  The way to do that is to do nothing for several days and see what pops up as needing to be done.  So on the fourth day of my doing nothing after work, I open up the computer and pull up garage band.  The list of songs for my next CD is taped on the wall and it starts to glow and becomes weirdly three dimensional.  I have my answer.  Get to work on the music.  Put that first.


I've got songs in my head.  Many songs.  Words and melodies.  No music because I don't play any instruments - yet.  I felt like I was in a bit of a quandry because I need to have music done.  I would love to go back to my former producer, but I need an armful of money to work with him.  That's how he makes his living and he's really good at it. So with his services not presently an option, I sat long and hard about who I could impose upon or ask to do music for me. 


This is how the Creator works.  We had a conversation about how I was going to get music produced.

My friend in Michigan came to mind.  He's really busy with gigs, but told me he'd do a piano part for me when he got a break in his schedule.

I went to see my former band and the keyboard player asked me about working on some side stuff with music.

My dear, sweet, multi-instrumentalist friend in LA came through for me and produced a third song.

A friend in Springfield sent me a tune when I was in Vegas earlier in the year.  I worked on it, but never finished it.  So I added that to the list of songs that needed to be done and his was the first.

I'm chuckling to myself because I have more and more songs that I'd like to get done.  However, I know it will happen.  I have no fear.

I'll be blogging about each song separately.  But, suffice it to say that I am back on the music.

My friends keep asking when I'm going to start performing live again - join a band...   That part hasn't come to me yet.  I am not fully decided as to what I want to do and how I want to do it.  I do check out the ads in craigslist on the regular.  So I do have my eye out, but recording is the main focus right now. Plus, I'm sewing too.  Not at the maddening pace that I was previously.  But, I am working on my inventory.

I am working toward where I want to be versus where I am.  So, soon, soon, a live thing will come.  Meanwhile I'm working on these tunes and I'll have them posted one by one fairly shortly.

Thanks for reading and remember to spend time developing yourself for where you want to be.  You already are where you are.  To get beyond that, you have to create a you for your future.  Your future self.  Get busy.


Love Inspired Healing

September 19, 2019 tomaca 0
Love Inspired Healing

I invite you to check out my new website:  http://LoveInspiredHealing.com.

This is for the serious people.  If you have minor aches and pains, perhaps I can help you.  If you have dis-eases, perhaps I can help.  I am not promising cures, so please don't think that.  But, I can put energy into your body to assist in your own healing.


Whatever Lola Wants

September 12, 2019 tomaca 0
Whatever Lola Wants

Damn Yankees!

I remember seeing the movie, Damn Yankees when I was very young.  Most of the movies that came on television - or at least of lot of them - were musicals. This song and this performance left no impression on me.  I didn't even remember it until I was checking out Ella Fitzgerald on youtube and came across her rendition of it.  I then, in my fashion, I searched for other versions of the song and came across the original.  If you see it, the woman is pretty freaky looking in terms of her movements and "dancing" and her voice.  It's a comedy, I suppose.   I understand Bob Fosse choreographed her scene.  It was weird. I posted the original video at the lower part of the page.

But, anyway, Ella fan that I am, I loved the song and needed to sing it.

Hope you enjoy it.


Whatever Lola Wants
Whatever Lola wants
Lola gets
And little man,
Little Lola wants you
Make up your mind
To have
No regrets
Recline yourself
Resign yourself
You're through
I always get what I aim for
And your heart and soul
Is what I came for
Whatever Lola wants
Lola gets
No use to fight
Don't you know you can't win
You're no exception to the rule
I'm Irresistible you fool
Give in
Give in
Give in

From Wikipedia

"Whatever Lola Wants" is a popular song, sometimes rendered as "Whatever Lola Wants, Lola Gets". The music and words were written by Richard Adler and Jerry Ross for the 1955 musical play Damn Yankees. The song is sung by Lola, the Devil's assistant, a part originated by Gwen Verdon, who reprised the role in the film. The saying was inspired by Lola Montez,[1] an Irish-born "Spanish dancer" and mistress of King Ludwig I of Bavaria, who later became a San Francisco Gold Rush vamp.

Nature Boy

September 9, 2019 tomaca 0
Nature Boy

Why I Sang It

I heard this song many years ago and ignored it. It wasn't until the summer of 2019 that I was reintroduced to it by Ed Fast from Ed Fast and Conga Bop.  He recorded an amazing remake of the song in which he featured the vocalist Linda Ransome.  The music he wrote was so full bodied and strong.

I listened to the lyrics and fell in love with what it said.  From there I listened to, of course, Ella, Sarah Vaughn and Shirley Bassey.  These are some of the voices that I truly love.  Shirley's version was my favorite.

I found this piano version done by Rob Landeros which I found to be absolutely haunting.  I had to sing it. I had to.

I hope you enjoy it.

There was a boy
A very strange enchanted boy
They say he wandered very far
Very far over land and sea
A little shy and sad of eye
But very wise, was he
And then one day
One magic day he passed my way
While we spoke of many things
Fools and kings
This he said to me
The greatest thing
You'll ever learn
Is just to love
And be loved
In return

More About the Song

From Wikipedia:

"Nature Boy" is a song first recorded by American jazz singer Nat King Cole. It was released on March 29, 1948, as a single by Capitol Records, and later appeared on the album, The Nat King Cole Story. The song was written in 1947 by eden ahbez and is partly autobiographical. It is a tribute to ahbez's mentor Bill Pester, who had originally introduced him to Naturmensch and Lebensreform philosophies, which ahbez practiced. When Cole was performing in 1947 at the Lincoln Theater, ahbez wanted to present the song to him, but was ignored. He left the copy with Cole's valet, and from him the singer came to know of "Nature Boy". After receiving appreciation for his performance of the song, Cole wanted to record it but needed consent from the writer. Eventually, he tracked down ahbez.


I Can’t Live Without You

July 31, 2019 tomaca 0
I Can’t Live Without You


I can't live without you

Squirrels running across the ground to climb up trees,

Birds and their serenade in those trees,

The comforting shade from the leaves on the tree,

I can't live without you.


I need

The grass under my bare feet,

surging the energy of the earth through me,

the endless beauty of a variety of plants and flowers

the smell of grass and other greenery.

I can't live without you.


To stand at the foot of a tree and to look up in admiration and praise.

To stand in worship of its grandness and beauty.

Its kindness

Its love giving soul.

Shade me, cover me, tower over me in magnificence.

Its conversation full of ancient words and times

when magic was real for all.

I can't live without you.


And Sun, you know I stand in worship of your rays

your life giving warmth

your love giving smile.

I can't live without you.


Balance is nature.  I can't live without you.


I can go other places where you don't exist and visit for a short time, but ultimately, I have to be where you are.  The forest calls me.

I won't leave you again.  I can't live without you.

Mwanamkee Kwa Mwuitoo




July 26, 2019 tomaca 0


Written in January, a few days after my arrival in Vegas:


I woke up to rain – again in Vegas! People say this is very unusual.  It may rain for an hour and then stop and they never see rain again.  So all of this rain, rain, rain is very different for them.

I decided to take the morning to sit and write.  I wanted to document things before they got lost and covered with all of the new things.  It was nice to sit in bed and type all of the things flowing through my mind.

It would be nice to be working from memories that are as vivid as possible but I am actually recapping the last few days and find that things are getting lost as each day starts to run into another.

I have so many pictures that it will take time to get them all uploaded to the website for inclusion in the blog, but I need to get it done.

After spending some time writing, the rain subsided some, I decided I need to get back out on the job – find a place to live!

I took out and started walking again.  This time in a different direction.  I ended up coming across the court house and law offices, etc.  From asking a gentleman in a suit – obviously a lawyer – I am in downtown Las Vegas.  The motel and party Freemont Street are in downtown.  I didn’t want to continue to experience these kind of buildings, I wanted to see more residential areas and began walking in yet another different direction.

I happened by a really nice looking complex. I went in and inquired about residence and was shown a really cute studio apartment.  Everything was included in the rent with the exception of electricity. Thanks to living at Rivers Bend in Windsor, I was introduced to the concept of paying fees for sewage, water, landscaping, etc.  This seems crazy to me.  And I felt certain I was being ripped off by these monthly fees, but what can you do?

So the fact that everything was included in the rent except electricity was a great deal.

So here we go, we go outside and walk inside.  Take an elevator up to the second floor and then – we have to walk outside past everyone’s door, turn a corner and then turn another corner and here’s the door.  The problem is that we have to walk on that narrow walkway with the open rail on the side.  If I wasn’t walking with the young lady, I’d be hugging the walls, sliding along slowly because of the fear of the height and the open rail.  Oh no, this place was really cute, but I couldn’t handle getting to it.  We went back downstairs, I got my ID and said thanks very much.  If you get something on the first floor, I’d be interested.

811 East Bridger Ave., Las Vegas - where I lived.



I continued on my mission and start walking again.  I was headed back toward party Freemont Street.  Then I saw the pawn shop!  I ran straight in there to look at the music equipment.  I had sold all of mine versus trying to ship everything.  Plus, I didn’t have an address to ship things to, and I didn’t want to impose on people by asking them to hold a bunch of boxes for me. So everything is gone and has to be replaced.

I saw a nice acoustic guitar for $50.  I saw a nice Yamaha keyboard, but at $300, it was out of my price range.  I saw speakers, basses, microphones – everything I loved and wanted to have.  As soon as I move I plan to at least get a cheap guitar.  I need something musical in my life!

I recorded the pawn shop address in my phone so I could find it again.  I’ve been using my gps for walking directions and it’s been really helpful.  So, I’ll get back to the pawn shop as soon as I have a place to put things.

At the pawn shop, I met a young lady who had just moved here two weeks ago from New York.  She came because Vegas rents were more affordable than New York rents.  She said the strip had the same kind of vibe as New York to her and the weather was great.  For instance, today, we’re walking around with light weight jackets versus bracing for snow as they’re doing in New England - today! We talked about how native Las Vegas people feel that the weather here today is freezing.  It’s probably about 50 degrees.  She laughed about the fact that there’s even a store that sells heavy down winter coats and people actually buy them and wear them here. Oh – if only they knew what we experience in New England!

She also told me about some really affordable apartments that I should check out.  When she mentioned the name of the apartments, I felt like they sounded familiar.  I knew that I had looked at them on the web, but couldn’t remember if I had actually been there.  So, after I left the pawn shop, I plugged the address in the gps and headed out.

After ½ hour of walking, I realized that this was the area I was in yesterday.  As I got closer to the address, it dawned on me that I had already looked at these places.  Walked all that way for nothing.  And mind you, my legs are really sore from all the walking I’ve been doing (but that’s a great thing!).  I decided I would head up to the place where I put in the application to follow up.  Three to five business days for a decision just seemed like a long time to wait for approval.  I need to be out of the motel by next Tuesday.  My goal was to find a place to live this week.   And I liked the vibe this place had and I can feel myself living there.

I’m at the door and the ladies buzz me in and the one I spoke to yesterday said “I was going to call you!”

I found out that I was approved!!!   Oh, the thrill, the joy, the gratitude!! Praise!  She said I could move in within the next few days.  I’ll stop by tomorrow to sign my lease and pay my rent and deposit. I will then have an official address, keys and be back on the grid!  Lol!   I’ll get my new Vegas PO Box set up immediately thereafter.

After that, I danced my way down to the motel office and asked if I could leave early and be refunded for the days I did not use.  They graciously said “yes.”  Thank you, thank you, thank you!

My legs are really killing me from all the walking I’ve been doing (and again, that’s great!!). It’s getting challenging to move them! LOL.  Be glad when I’m in my own spot and I can soak them in the tub.

I went down to party Freemont Street to get some pizza for dinner and then headed up to the room. I’ve been working on all of these posts over the last few days.  I need to get the photos uploaded.  There are so many.  I’m probably going to wait until I get my macbook shipped out to me.  Yes, shipped out.  I have three little boxes that my kids are holding for me to fedex to me.  They contain my macbook, sewing machine, studio headphones and other miscellaneous little stuff.  So glad I’ll have an address!!!  Yippee!  I can get my stuff!!!!

Tired today.  Tomorrow I’ll go back to the apartment building and hopefully be able to sign the lease, get a definite date.  I will also step up the search for an inexpensive car.  I need another George.  He’ll be my rock and take me where I need to go around here.  I realize that everything has fallen into place for me here.  It's been easy.

I’m excited.  Good night!

Bye Bye Las Vegas!!!

July 24, 2019 tomaca 0
Bye Bye Las Vegas!!!

I'm writing this one month and two weeks after I left Vegas.

The last of the items remaining in my studio apartment.

The last day - my last day.  It only took a couple of hours to get the last of my things out of the apartment and to clean it.  I met this nice Phillipino lady named Milka.  She came across me as I was putting what little furniture I had obtained in the hallway.  I was hopeful that people would come and take what they wanted.  I refused to put good stuff into the dumpster.  I can't waste things like that; it's not who I am.  So, Milka comes along and says "this is nice!  Can I take it?"

"Sure, everything is being given away."

She said, with great astonishment - "You give away everything!!?? What else do you have to give away?"

She came down the hall with me to my apartment and took a look at the several boxes of kitchen things, hangers, clothing, etc. and asked if she could have everything.

"Sure! " I responded.  "Come back at 3:00. I need to finish getting everything ready."

She and her husband announced themselves precisely at 3:00 with a gentle knock on the door.  They loaded up their arms and made a few trips up and down in the elevator to carry everything.

After that I looked at my clock on the wall and it showed me I still had several hours before my flight. I could have taken a bus down to the main strip to see the site for the last time.  But, I never found that interesting - - the strip.  I put the clock in the last box of things to give it away.

Earlier in the day, I ventured out and said a final farewell to friends on Fremont Street.  The temperature is supposed to slightly tip over 100 today.  It's crazy.  In Vegas, you are being roasted from above and below.  The sun is so hot and intense.  The concrete absorbs and holds all of the heat and just blasts you with oven roasting temperatures from the ground.  I was glad I said my farewells before the temperature peaked too high for my comfort.

I loved my little studio apartment and thanked it for being there for me.  It was adorable and everyday when I walked in, I said hello to it and always said goodbye.  Sounds strange, but it's gratitude.  We should all always have gratitude for everything - where we are, what we're doing -- even the fact that we're breathing.  Life is a magical place.

I thought about all of my initial plans to go to Vegas and be in Vegas.  I spent two years dreaming and planning.  In my mind, I thought I'd be there for at least a year, maybe two.  I came here to sing.  Not to make the big time, but to support myself financially as a singer and artist.  Sadly, I found that the entertainment industry in Vegas is extremely racist.  I watched white women who could not vocally tie my shoes, being given the stages.  African American artists - dancers, singers, bands and other types of performers - are not allowed on certain stages.  Never.  This was the reality of Vegas.  There were racial rules.

I was extremely saddened and surprised to learn that this is how it worked there.  But, then when I think about the genocide being inflicted on human beings like myself, (police murders, people calling the police on people of color for frivolous reasons, white americans killing Black Americans and getting away with it, etc.) I should not have been surprised.  I always felt like art and talent made a difference.  Sigh.  It doesn't.

So I didn't have the interest in fighting against the discrimination.  I didn't see a reason to go around and to prove my skill and talent to anyone.  I know what I've got and it's a spiritual gift that I will gladly use wherever I am and however I can.

I learned what I needed to learn in the six months I was in Vegas.  And, after a time, I found myself in great need of trees, grass, squirrels, shade, reasonable summer temperatures --- and more and decided to go home.  It was a good adventure and unfolded so much within me.  Wonderful things that were waiting to happen inside of me happened while I was there.

So back to my last day - I sat around watching netflix on my phone until it was time to go to the airport.  I dialed up an Uber and headed out.

The Uber only took 15 minutes to get me to the airport.  It rode straight down a main street and it only cost me around eight dollars.  When I landed in Vegas, the cab took 30 minutes and cost me $60.  He took me on the highway -- and obviously for a ride financially.  I was upset when I realized I was ripped off.  ...and I gave the cab driver a nice tip too!  Oh well...

It was my first time flying Southwest.  I was a little nervous because it only cost me $200 to fly from Vegas to Boston.  That was so cheap considering Delta and American flights were upwards $450 for the same trip.  However, the flight was fine.  I left at 11:30 pm and got to Boston at 5:30 am.  It was a perfect ride.  The staff was very kind and helpful.

I was surprised at how many small bodies of water could be seen from the plane as we got closer to Boston.  I don't know where we were exactly - New York state, Massachusetts - - I tried to take a picture of the landscape from the plane, but it didn't fare too well.  I got great glare shots of the window instead.

A successful, smooth landing followed by the great de-boarding of the plane!  It's always slow going - - you have to sit there and wait for the people in front of you to move out.  Once I step off that plane and out into the hallway, it feels like freedom!  Whooohoo!  You're out of the tube and free!

I got my luggage and stood out in the Boston air waiting for the bus to take me to the bus station, so I could catch a bus to Hartford.  It was cold and rainy.  I dug out a couple of t-shirts and put them on under my Las Vegas hoodie in an effort to be warm. It didn't work too well. I didn't realize that I was so cold on the east coast. No bother though because soon I was on the bus, traveling the last stretch to Hartford. It would only take an hour and a half to be back on home soil again.

My daughter and grand daughter surprised me and met me at the bus station.  I told them I would find my way and not to bother picking me up.  I didn't want to take them out of their way and impact their day, but you know how daughters are -- or at least mine is.  If it's Mom, I'm going to be there.  So sweet.

My blog is no longer entitled  "Vegas Life News."

Good by Las Vegas!   I take with me so many revelations and gifts and knowings.  The Creator has blessed me.  I understand why I was sent there.  I could not have blossomed in the way that I did otherwise.  It could not have happened anywhere else.  There are new things I know now and these gifts and things I cherish.  Thank you.


My friend Gerome

A reminder to myself!

Pretty flower bush at my apartment building

Rocks, rocks and more rocks! No grass in the desert (except in affluent areas).

What Will I Miss?

June 11, 2019 tomaca 0
What Will I Miss?

So, yeah, my big brother died.  Very suddenly too.  You know how we think we're all going to be here forever?  Or, when someone does leave, we'll be prepared for it?  Yeah.  Not so in reality.  Sigh...  I love you forever Huck!

Well, as I said in the previous post - change in plans.  I wasn't going to make it home for the funeral, I was going to just send money instead.  It was a choice, either send money or pay for travel and not send as much money.  I spoke to a friend who said that I absolutely had to be there for the funeral.

"It's imperative that you be there for him.  Just make it one way," he said, "then worry about how you'll get back afterward."

That struck me.  I was thinking to myself, yeah - I could come home, crash on a family member's couch and work for a couple of weeks and come back.  But, the thought of coming back... did I even want to come back?  Did I need to come back?  What will I miss if I don't come back to Vegas?  And the answer to that question was, "nothing."  In my heart of hearts, I didn't want to come back. I wanted to stay home.  I won't miss a thing.  In fact, I would miss a lot of things in Connecticut.  I AM missing a lot of things at home.  My little girls, my big girl, my sons, my fam, my siblings, grass, trees, birds, squirrels, cookouts!  I feel like I am missing so much.  Thus, I am making the a one-way trip. I'm not coming back and I'm really happy about that.  Huck did that for me.  He brought me home.

I was initially thinking I had to stay here for a year.  That's when my lease is up.  So, what the heck, I'll have a place to visit when things start to cool down in Connecticut.  But for now - I'm outta here!

And my Fremont Street fans -  I love them!  They have all expressed that they will miss me.  One man actually cried.  He was one of my body guards.  He'd come by often when I was performing and if someone was talking to me - he'd stand back in the distance, point and give me the look -- is that person bothering you?  I'd smile and wave at him, letting him know that all is well.  He would nod, move on and come by later.  I couldn't believe he cried when I told him I was leaving.

He said, "Your talent is amazing.  There's no way should should be singing on the street here.  You should be singing on the big stages. It's because you're Black and that's how things work here." 

I can say from what I've seen and experienced in Vegas, there is a lot of truth in what he is saying...

Someone explained to me that I really uplifted people with the music and I am such a vibrant, nice person.  I am nice to everybody and made everyone feel good and welcome.  I say hello to all of the regulars - not just the street folks, but the people who work out there.  I ask everyone how they're doing.  The street performers too are really cool.  Well, that's all God.  I can't take any credit.  However, I did enjoy the farewell breakfast, lunch and all the warm hugs and extra pennies from the homeless people in my tip box!  I love people in general.  But, these people I really love and will miss.  I will hold everyone dear in my heart and in my prayers as I live my life.  Even if I never see any of them again, I will

Photo by a fan!

remember them with love and send that love their way.

I found what I needed to find in Vegas.  It's all in me now.  I'm grateful to have these new treasures and to continue the journey at home.  The funeral is Friday.  So I can go to that and be a wreck and then move on.  I've got work lined up starting Monday.  I love how God (or life) just takes care of everything for me.  The way is made.  I'm doing what makes me happy.  I feel good!  Thanks Huck for bringing me home.

Give me a little time to get situated and I'll be back out performing in Connecticut and I will finish that CD.  It's been eternally open-ended, but I'm going to slap a December 1st release date on it.  And - I will be releasing it under my own label and doing my own distribution.  Oh, excitement is!!!

Stay tuned.  I'll be back!



The Winds Are Changing

June 4, 2019 tomaca Comments Off on The Winds Are Changing
The Winds Are Changing

I received some devastating news today.  My brother died.  He was a very talented, very kind-hearted guy.  I used to tell him that he was "Sweet Uncle Huckey," because whenever his young nieces and nephews were around, he would pass out money whenever he had it.  They loved him.  They would all flock around him - and not just for the money!  He was generous to a fault and a very sweet person.

His skill level as a carpenter and builder was off the charts.  I remember when he was doing some work on a three-family that I had purchased, I brought my young son there to get some hands on training.  My son wasn't interested at all and just fooled around the whole time.  My brother said to him - "You could put me on a piece of dirt and I could build a house on it.  What you can you do?"

My son, who was into gymnastics and sports muttered under his breath - "I can do amazing things with my body."

I laughed and took my son home.  He said, "Mom, I don't want anything to do with a bucket and a handle."

I said, "This is not about a bucket and a handle son, this about hammers, drills, saws and the amazing creativity and skills that come with it.  Your uncle is amazing and can teach you a lot."

Yes, my brother was amazing because our older brother made him amazing by teaching him everything he knew.

I had just talked to him two weeks ago about having him be a GC for the house that I wanted to build.  He said that he wasn't in shape to do that kind of work anymore.  And I told him, "No, you wouldn't do the work; you would be in charge of making sure the workers did everything right."  He was down with that idea and confirmed that he could do that.  It was my dream to build and have him there to make sure it was done right.  Well, so much for dreams...

It's funny too because he accidentally butt-dialed me after that conversation.  I picked up the phone and responded "Hi," and could hear the sounds of the pocket cloth rubbing as he walked.  I should have called him back so that the phone would ring and told him that he butt-dialed me, but I didn't.  Even though I talked to him recently, I wish I could talk to him again.  My sweet Huckey.

This news comes just as I decided to make some changes to my own life.  The Vegas journey has been coming to an end in my mind.  My lease is up at the end of the year and I am planning to return home.

There are a lot of reasons for this change.  After my two years of careful planning, dreaming and finally the great execution(!), I arrived in Vegas with a mission to just sing.  I was going to come here to find a way to support myself using my gift.  So, I've been singing on the street for tips (hahaha!)...

But singing the songs that I like everyday helped me to understand more about the songs that I actually like to sing.  I love jazz.  I love showtunes.  I love the James Bond Goldfinger theme song.  I've always loved Shirley Bassey's voice, but actually singing that song on a regular basis makes me love it more.  I love that vibe.  I'm totally into that slow moving, deep vibe.  I just want to stand there and let these kinds of songs vibrate through me.  I've got Chaka tunes, Aretha tunes, Patti tunes, Fleetwood Mac tunes... but it's the slow moving ones that truly move me.  Give me the tunes I shied away from years ago when people (who obviously knew me better than I knew myself) tried to push them on me - Sarah Vaughn, Ella Fitzgerald, Dianne Schurr, a little Barbara Streisand.  They've been waiting for me to be ready for them.  I'm ready now.

I also feel like that music shouldn't be lost.  I was graced by being touched by people years ago who fought to keep that music in the present time.  Today's popular music is absolute garbage. I am constantly wondering where the real singers are and I'm so tired of hearing about money, sex, bitches, niggers and hoes.  Wow.  So I feel it is important that I be one of the ones that reaches back and pulls the real music forward.  I proudly assume the role of "preservator" and hope to help to reverse some of the chaos brought to fore by today's empty, yet violent "music."

Maybe being older makes the difference for me.  Maybe?  Wisdom from age.  Wisdom from experience.  Wisdom.

When I was young, Chaka was my queen.  I wanted to do all the upbeat dance music.  I wanted to party, dance, sing and scream on stage.  And, I wanted the audience to party down with me.  It was great fun.  But, now, standing in place and singing feels natural.  The desire to jump up on the tables and to run around with a wireless microphone is gone.  The old stuff is my new vibe.  And it's interesting that I had to come all the way out here to discover that.  But, I understand it.

I also understand the privilege of the broad depths of gifts that I've been loaned for this lifetime.  My ability to write, my ability to describe, define, to motivate, to share, to understand, to sew, to love, to create, to be, to sing, to desire, to dance, etc.  Such great fortune!  Such privilege!  I am so grateful.

Coming to Vegas has helped things that were fermenting deep in my soul to complete their ferment process.  It cleared my head - my spirit. I understand Lord, I understand.  I know now why I had to come clear across the country to find myself.  The revelations are unending.  I am ready to go home.  So the planning process has begun for the continuation of my journey back on the east coast.

I still hate winter and I don't look forward to being in the cold again.  But, I will rejoice when Spring comes and I get to experience everything green reawakening and rising up from the earth.  That smell in the air is amazing.  And, I won't complain when we have those hot, humid weeks and the sweat pours off of you just because you you're alive.  Because you're alive!

Vegas gave me an idea for a film  - "The Healer."  I can't wait for the world (or who ever enters The Healer's world) to hear about her.  The unwritten books I've been carrying around in my head for decades are talking to me all of the time.  Their conversations with me have increased since I've been here.  The list of songs that I need to finish sing in my head while peering at me from the wall, stuck up with a piece of tape, in clear view just above my laptop's screen.  So the unfinished projects are making themselves prominently heard on a daily basis and in a more clearer and louder tone.  I'm going in a whole different and exciting direction.  Vegas did that for me.  And now Vegas tells me to prepare myself to go home with this new knowledge, understanding and vision.

I've always known that I have a variety of creative interests and the talent to manifest them.  I've always known that.  But now I know differently.  Now I know more.  It's hard to explain.  Perhaps I can try:  I am a singer, songwriter, a book writer (I prefer "book writer" to author), a film maker, a bag designer, clothing designer, an actress, a painter, a photographer, a person who tries to fix everything and is often successful, a woman who can hang sheet rock, use a drill, a sawzall, a dancer, a mother, grandmother, a former wife, a sister, an aunt, a friend, a spirit, a healer, a storyteller, a creative, brilliant human being and so much more.  I AM.  And, I do love me some me - amazingly so.

I love my brother and am saddened by his journey into the Spirit World.  But, I understand.

I need to prepare myself to go back home.  I understand.  The winds are changing.


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